Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
