what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
