I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
