I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
