how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
