dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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