Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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