I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
People in love make me want to vomit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
