I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
