The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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