I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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