I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
