hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They took my balls.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize