There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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