Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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