if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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