So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
