the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This toilet bowl is my home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
