end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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