i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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