I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
