Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
