Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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