I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
