i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
