you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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