This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So. Much. Porn.
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