Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
