No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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