I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So much rum. So many feels.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
