Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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