there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
