youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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