Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
