He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
