just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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