If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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