so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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