I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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