2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
