so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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