Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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