dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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