You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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