no, he came in my armpit
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
