At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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