i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
