i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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