weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
