On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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