How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
