I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
