Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
