Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
