I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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