Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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