I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
