why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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