Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
