Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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