yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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