you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
