I got chris browned last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
