Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
