im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
