hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
