She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
